Broken Glass, Whole Heart

Wine, lessons, and gratitude.

I read somewhere that everything tastes better from a wine glass. So, I formed the infrequent routine of pretending I am a Wall Street lawyer working late into the night while drinking apple juice from the wine glasses I got as a gift for my 30^th birthday.

When I hit publish on this newsletter, it’ll be the twelfth time I have published a newsletter this year. That’s more than I have written in any of the previous years. I could have written one every other week if I wasn’t so skilled at finding the right excuse to put things off.

This year, I have done a lot. I could have done much more but I didn’t. While I am grateful for the gains, I am aware of the distance between effort and consistency. My gratitude is tempered by the knowledge that I could have done better.

This year reminds me of one of my favourite Bible stories. Elisha and the King. The prophet is on his deathbed when the King of Israel comes seeking blessings. Elisha instructs him to open the windows towards enemy territory and strike the ground with arrows. The king strikes twice and stops.

Enraged, the prophet rebukes him and says he wished he had struck more times. If he had, he would have destroyed his enemies.

This year, I should have struck more times.

But this is not the newsletter for going over this.

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Silica sand, soda ash, and limestone. Those are the base ingredients for making glass. Introduce them to intense heat and a process of melting and moulding and a molten blob comes out on the other side. Shape it one way and then the other and a wine glass emerges from the heated blob…

When you raise a glass of wine, you don’t think of the process that birthed the glass. You just raise the glass. When you drink wine, you don’t think of the grapes which were crushed to make it. You just drink.

I would give anything to hear the conversation between wine and glass.

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What would I do if my favorite wine glass gets broken? Clean up the pieces and get another one.

Glass is beautiful and sometimes, glass, delicate as it is, breaks. Into a million pieces. In my experience, you are better off leaving broken glass alone than attempting to piece the shards.

I started writing this piece on the morning of my friend’s wedding two weeks ago. At the time, I had an entirely different writing angle before I took a break to wear a suit and be a groomsman. Two weeks ago, there were no videos on the internet of me dancing and having the absolute time of my life at a wedding that is a highlight of my year. So, the writing angle has changed.

I am finishing this piece on the morning after Christmas. It is five days until New Year, that weird five-day shaped gulf where the mind is prone to grueling introspection as it wanders over the previous 360 days and reaches the wrong conclusions.

I’ll be honest. If I could go back in time, I would do a lot different, but I cannot and that’s just how the cookie crumbles. So, I choose gratitude.

I am grateful for all that has happened since I hit publish on Gambling with Tied Hands. I am grateful for the glass-making process that the year has been. I don’t have all my wins, but I have some. A win is a win.

So I choose to raise a glass of wine to myself. Life’s good. Even when it isn’t. And you know what?

You should raise a glass too.

See you soon.

Cover photo by Gabriel Meinert on Unsplash