Counting Raindrops...
It always rains in April…
In April 2025, I put a laptop in a bag, bought a bottle of wine, and ordered a cab to the hotel where my colleagues were having dinner. Two hours later, I walked out of the hotel and they weren’t my colleagues anymore. It was my last day at the office.
When I got home, I changed my Slack display picture to that famous picture of Xabi Alonso waving goodbye, uninstalled the application, sat at my desk and scheduled a newsletter, the first of many I would write in the quiet routine I had built before I got pulled back into the suction of capitalism.
Sometime this month, while getting ready for work, I felt a wave of gratitude. Not loud, just certain. Gratitude for the fact that I wasn’t owed salaries. Grateful for the shaky moments that became miracles…
In April 2021, I had just quit a job which owed me a lot of salaries. In the months that followed, I formed the habit of standing in my kitchen, attempting to turn condiments into edible meals, and listening to Million Little Miracles as I wondered where the next miracle would come from…
I have learned that it is not my job to figure out where miracles come from or count the rain drops as they fall. It is my job to wait and trust that it will all work out, one drop, one decision, one miracle at a time…
You really can’t stop the rain or count the raindrops but you can wait for storms to pass. The thing about storms and difficult decisions is that you never really know when they will pass. Only that, somehow, they do. And you are better for it.
While I may not have a million miracles, I am no longer standing in the kitchen, listening to music, waiting and wondering how it will all work out…
Somewhere along the way, it did. And even now, concerns and all, it will…
